Can a “Sleep Divorce” Help You and Your Partner Stay Safe and Get Better Sleep?

By Admin

A “sleep divorce” is when couples decide to sleep in different beds or in different rooms, but despite the label of “divorce,” this can be a positive experience and improve the relationship. There are a number of reasons why couples may make this decision, and PAP therapy is sometimes a factor. The goal is to ensure that each partner is safe and able to sleep well without disruptions such as noise or movement during the night. And during a health crisis, this decision may be more important than ever. While some couples view the shared bed as a symbol of unity or matrimony, separate beds are becoming more accepted as a necessary arrangement to allow both partners a safe and quiet space for quality sleep and restful nights. Whether or not a “sleep divorce” is needed in your relationship will depend on your situation and could involve either separate beds or separate rooms, but it should always be a shared decision balancing the needs of both partners. As long as the choice is made out of respect for one another’s health and well being, it can be a positive decision for both involved.

Safety in the Home

A health crisis can change a lot of things in our lives, and one of the major concerns is the potential for sick individuals to spread illnesses to others in the home. For example, there has been a lot of discussion regarding the dangers of PAP-therapy devices due to the amount of expiratory airflow that is released. As studies have demonstrated, using CPAP does not increase the threat of spreading illnesses in this manner. If a patient does have a communicable illness, certainly he or she should consider all proper safety precautions to avoid spreading the illness. But if there is little chance for an infection to occur, for example, if a patient lives in a home where outside trips are rare and all safety measures are routinely followed, CPAP should not be any more of a safety concern than simply being close or sharing the same home. It should be pointed out that in cases where a patient does have a serious communicable illness, stringent measures of separation may be necessary. This would include a “sick room” for the individual who has become infected, and no items should leave this room without a complete disinfection. At this point, sleeping together in the same bed is clearly out of the question until long after the recovery is complete and the illness has run its course. If anyone in your home shows symptoms of a serious communicable illness, you should keep yourself and others separated until a test can be taken. It is always better to take extra precautions than take a chance of allowing a serious illness to spread.

For information on common communicable diseases, please refer to Publichealth.org or the World Health Organization (WHO) website for more information.

Problems of Compatibility

Safety isn’t the only reason why couples decide to have a “sleep divorce,” and needs will vary from one couple to another. According to a survey conducted by the Better Sleep Council, one in four couples sleeps separately for a better night’s sleep. The reasons for these decisions range from noise complaints, often due to snoring, to movements such as those caused by restless leg syndrome, to discomfort, different schedules, or health-related concerns. While PAP therapy was not on the list of common reasons for disrupted sleep, snoring was a major factor for many couples, especially for women. Over 40 percent of female respondents claimed that snoring kept them awake at night versus only 20 percent of the men. But where sleep apnea is a concern, PAP therapy does not seem to be as much of a disturbance as the disorder itself. In other words, partners tend to prefer the treatment to the sounds of snoring (and especially to the problems of sleep apnea), as long as it succeeds in stopping snoring as well as the sleep apnea symptoms. CPAP also helps patients sleep, so reduces the number of disruptive awakenings, movement, and noise in the night In the past, some spouses complained about the sound of PAP-therapy systems, but modern machines with their whisper-quiet motors have nearly eliminated that issue altogether. Another study conducted by the journal Sleep and Biological Rhythms found that, in general, more women were affected by sleep compatibility problems than men. Some of this is due to the high number of men who snore, while other issues are more specific to the individual, such as the number of movements or positions a partner takes during the night. Even among those who slept in the same bed, 20 percent, or one in five, claimed to “cling to their respective corners.” This shows that many individuals are making a conscious decision to distance themselves from their partners, even in shared-bed arrangements. At least a third of American adults do not get enough sleep on a regular basis, according to a study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s (CDC) Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report, and these findings are confirmed by other studies. Over 50 percent of the National Sleep Foundation’s Bedroom Poll respondents stated that, on average, they are able to sleep well only a few nights a week or less. This is unacceptable, and if sleep incompatibility is a cause for a large percentage of these difficulties, perhaps the “sleep divorce” concept should be reconsidered in a more positive light.

The Positive Side

Whether for safety reasons, comfort, or quiet, the decision to sleep in separate beds does not have to be a negative experience for a couple in love. In some cases, you may only need separate beds within the same room, while other situations may require separate sleeping rooms. In either case, the decision does not have to be set in stone. Couples can experiment with varying sleep arrangements depending on their needs on particular days. For example, some couples decide to sleep separately because they have different routines at night or in the morning. This can be due to work schedules or incompatible chronotypes. Other times you may have different preferences, such as room temperature or what time to turn off the TV or the lights. Individuals will often attempt to adjust preferences to satisfy the other partner, but it is important for both partners to get quality sleep on a regular basis. A sleep divorce can be a type of compromise that sets out a schedule for different days of the week. There are no rules involved, so it’s up to each couple to set their own boundaries and ensure that both partners experience the peace and quiet needed for proper sleep health. While some people worry that a sleep divorce would be a step away from intimacy, in many cases the arrangement has been shown to actually improve relationships in the long term. When both partners are getting quality sleep, and getting health benefits as a result, this can often lead to better moods and an overall better quality of life for both of you. And the time apart can even create more of an incentive to get closer when time and schedules allow for it. Partners may take less for granted as the routines of living together become more flexible and nuanced. With a little effort, separate sleeping arrangements can simply be another step in the growth of a relationship, giving both partners access to the quality sleep they need to thrive and live happily together, whether in difficult times or in a better, safer future for the nation.